Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
