people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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