My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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