I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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