drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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