I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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