u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
