bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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