shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
