I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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