I think my vagina is haunted
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
