The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
