he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
