she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize