just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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