I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
