Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
