You're my little dorito
Non-Jews are for practice
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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