It was confusing and full of hummus
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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