oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
