i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
