I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
