see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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