i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The air taste purple.
Randomize
