I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
