Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
