when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize