Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
