I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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