I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
