i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
