My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
