Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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