dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
