i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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