so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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