Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
