Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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