My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize