ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish my penis had an off switch
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
