He had one of those small greek statue penises
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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