That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
