i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
