My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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