I like to think it a success when the cops are called
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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