She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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