She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
