Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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