I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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