In the future we'll all be gay
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Come back. Shots need mouths.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
