Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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