you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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