Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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