I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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