She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
