Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
