..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
