Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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