But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
