i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
