the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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