New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
