She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize