hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
