He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
