There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
