There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
