Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
